Following on from the Big Brother drinking game, here’s an Alex-specific version that you can all play along with at home. All you need to do is take a swig of your chosen tipple every time this year’s favourite anger management candidate utters any of the following phrases:

• “I’m not trying to be funny, but…”
• “Do you know what I mean?”
• “Remember I told you.”
• “My fings.”
• “Deal with it.”

Alternatively, if you’re more likely to be spending your evenings watching the far more civilised Euro 2008, you can still play along. All you need to do is take a sizable gulp every time any of the commentators or pundits mention any of the following:

• The home nations’ failure to qualify.
• Ronaldo.
• The Alps.
• The Premier League.
• Dutch “total football”.
• Scolari’s going to Chelsea, don’tcha know.

By the way, what is the point of the current trend of cutting from the presenter and pundits in the studio, to a different presenter standing on the touchline with a different pundit? Does the touchline pundit know something that the others don’t? And, if so, why can’t they just let him sit in the studio with the rest of them? Of course, it’s understandable in situations where the touchline pundit is Gordon Strachan, because clearly nobody can bear to be in a room with him for any significant period of time. But what of the others? Answers, as usual please, on the back of one of Russell Grant’s Postcards.

Following on from my recent(ish) bout of poetry dedicated to the Half Man Half Tree episode of Five’s Extraordinary People, here’s a little game you can all play at home with granny and the kids. Below are some genuine episode titles from the show, along with some that I’ve made up – but which is which? Answers on the back of one of Russell Grant’s Postcards, please…