tvmince

Big Brother is getting so close, you can almost smell the vomit. So what better way to make the whole thing bearable than to play your if-you-can’t-beat-’em-drink-yourself-into-oblivion card. To help, I’ve compiled a list of phrases and general goings-on to look out for during this year’s coverage. All you have to do is watch every last second of painful action from the BB house, and down a glass of something suitably coma-inducing each time you hear, or spot, any of the below…

• A housemate starts a sentence with “You know what…?”.
• A housemate starts a sentence with “At the end of the day…”.
• A housemate ends a sentence with “…end of”.
• A housemate describes a fellow housemate as being “real”.
• A housemate describes a fellow housemate as “being himself/being herself”.
• A housemate describes a fellow housemate as “playing a game”.
• A housemate or BB presenter uses the word “journey”.
• A BB presenter uses the word “cathartic” (likely to be more of a rarity this time, now that Dermot “All things must be described as cathartic” O’Leary has departed).
• A housemate says the word “Day”, followed by a number, in an attempted Geordie accent.
• A housemate demonstrates their furious rage at a fellow housemate by throwing a small amount of water at them.
• A housemate says in the diary room that they want to leave.
• A housemate uses “not gelling” with someone as a reason to nominate them.
• A housemate cries.
• A housemate defends himself/herself following an offensive outburst by saying “at least I’m being me/real/honest”, as if being “yourself” somehow makes it okay to scream obscenities into someone else’s face purely because they ate the last Hob-Nob. When did society come up with this new rule anyway?

So there it is - my attempt at making the BB clichés vaguely interactive. Feel free, of course, to add your own by using the comments thingy below. Not that I’m forcing you, or anything.